How To Speak Louder And More Confidently – Some people value confidence, while others are afraid to put it forward. But the lack of social belief or order, and what methods can we use to solve it?
On the top door of Manchester Grammar School was built the sign with the Latin name: “Sapere Aude”. Ian Thorpe, the school’s development officer, translated it to me – “Be Smart” – as we stood in front of the stadium one day. heat last July. First used by the Roman poet, Horace in his Epistles, the word was later used by the philosopher Immanuel Kant, who said: “Have the courage to know! ” he wrote. And it also provides a good sentence, for a school that is important to its students the writer Thomas de Quincy and the director Nicholas Hytner.
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Manchester Grammar is the best all-boys school in the country, and when I visited they were in the frenzy of a summer sports day: loud speakers on the grass, a large hall next to the music. There is, I feel, a sense of gentle beauty – it is in the trees that line its long, wide and mature road, and in the quad it is designed in the style of an Oxbridge college. In fact, the school leaves little to be desired: it is located on a 28-acre site, has a history that goes back to the beginning of the 16th century, and commands a price that is shy of £12,000 a year.
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In the cool of the library, I joined Thorpe, his friend Laura Rooney and some of their students. We talked about the quality of the school, their first educational experience in the first “character” and the depth of the area. “There is more attention to individual students here,” said one. “When I came to this school, I felt more important,” said another. Rooney talked about the school’s male connections. “We take care of them for the rest of their lives,” he said, explaining how, last week, he organized a special sixth form workshop with an Old Mancunian who is an engineer for the Formula One team. .
The boys were open, open and happy, their behavior was full of courage which surprised me. But a school like Manchester Grammar inspires confidence – not just in the depth and breadth of its curriculum, but through the sense of history and perspective it gives its students the belief that it is best to join the ranks of the Old Mancunians. Oxbridge and the professional world, they feel comfortable in different social settings and events. And although not all public school students will be confident, many will continue to live their lives with a deep understanding of what they value.
Trust is a different animal. In its entirety it may seem arbitrary. In some cases it can also be dangerous – think of the situations caused by the uncertainty of Donald Trump or Nigel Farage, for example, or the kind of financial crisis caused by the overconfidence of traders. market. However when I left Manchester Grammar on Saturday I had a strong sense of sadness that not all young people will know the concept of self-confidence; many will spend their lives always feeling on the back foot. And I wonder if trust can be something we can learn at any stage of life.
In other words, trust is something that is instilled in us from birth. A study of 3,700 twins conducted by Corina Greven to study behavior at King’s College London and Robert Plomin of the Institute of Psychology, for example, confirmed that self-esteem is 50% natural and 50% nurturing. Women, meanwhile, have a natural tendency to seek approval and avoid conflict, but men are more vulnerable under pressure, that is, in some lights, it may seem because there is no belief among women.
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But external factors play a big role in creating feelings of self-worth. Let’s say you’re white and male and you grew up in an isolated house in the suburbs. He went to school to pay his bills, his family was financially stable and he was well educated – as he had been for many generations. It seems to suggest that you may be more likely to be dependent if you are female, black and public school, raised in a single parent household. join the benefits of living on a council estate in, say, Burnley.
Writer and publisher Stuart Maconie said: “No young worker, however confident, would become editor of the Evening Standard without extensive media experience, as George did. Osborne,” in terms of class, politics and society. “What you have is a complex relationship, a web of power and relationships that means you cannot fail.” Under that kind of trust, he added, “the truth and political power and I think it’s sometimes forgotten when people with good intentions blame people who work because of the lack of a physical trust and confidence.
Some of the reasons for this are obvious, while others are more specific. John Grindrod is the author of Concretopia: A Journey into the Reconstruction of Postwar Britain. “For hundreds of thousands of years, our beliefs have been shaped by the places we are or are not allowed to enter,” he said, pointing out that, by its very nature, the architecture of buildings it creates a feeling that protects them inside. . by its structure, but externally it is not. After the war, Grindrod noted, this began to change. “We have seen the desire to try to build houses that are more transparent and easy to find,” he said. “The idea of an egalitarian organization is a solution to many of the issues surrounding people who feel alienated from authority.”
But the point is that we do not live in an equal society. The architecture of a public school like Eton is very similar to, say, Oxbridge colleges, and the Houses of Courts and Houses of Parliament. If you were brought up in those houses, you will probably not only be amazed by their greatness, but, somehow, you will know that you are at home, as if you were there, and they speak your language. “When the competition came to build Parliament in the 1830s, you were allowed to go into buildings that were neo-gothic or Tudor,” added Grindrod. “People who understand this language will come to Oxford and Cambridge and all other holy institutions.”
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There were architectural examples among the elite, however. Maconie spoke fondly of St George’s Hall in Liverpool, a new building begun in 1841, when the city was booming, saying: “It was designed to be the first thing you see when you leave the train. On Lime Street, this is beautiful. The building must be seen. It says, ‘We bow to no one, we are very confident and we are a good city like soo something in the world.
“Swagger” is one of the words used to describe northern warriors – especially men. “I think about northern independence based on, say, the Gallagher brothers [from Oasis], and Arthur Seaton (from Alan Sillitoe’s Saturday Night and Sunday Morning),” Maconie said. . “That kind of independence that is born, to a certain extent, is overcome. It takes a lot of external confidence for men in the north, the element ‘I don’t do anything for myself in terms of money or authority or honor, but I. can enjoy the glory of being a superior.
Straight women, meanwhile, are often described as “bossy” or “snobby”. Katy Kay presents BBC World News America – you may remember her as the presenter on which Dr. Ben Carson, a former candidate for the Republican presidential nomination, tried to keep calm during a live TV conversation about the sexist allegations with Trump, who request to change your microphone. . distant She is also the author of The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know.
Kay is the daughter of a minister, went to Oxford, and worked at the Bank of England before starting her career as a journalist. Despite this, professional confidence has always been a characteristic that he does not have, and he states that the reason is “thinking that I am not strong enough, and I know that he is not brave enough”.
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But he knows that he is not alone. “The evidence that women underestimate their abilities is deep and wide,” she said. “The sport, the politics, the business, the army.” It’s a big change for men. “One of the most reliable social studies you can do is to ask men and women a scientific question,”
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